Article updated November 2023
For autistic children, the Christmas holidays aren’t always enjoyable. Instead, the many changes that Christmas brings can lead to meltdowns and stress.
Blinking and sparkly lights, loud crowds, Christmas decorations and different foods. It is seeing people and interacting with family or friends you may only see once or twice a year. School finishing and the change of routines can be difficult. The build up to Christmas day and the many changes in routine are just some of the reasons why December can create tension and sensory overload for your child and your family.
But there are steps you can take to make the holidays easier on your child and more joyous for your family. These suggestions might not work for every child with autism. You know your child best, try some of these ideas to see what works for your family.
Read More: The Ultimate Christmas Sensory Gift Guide 2023
Manage expectations.
It is not difficult to imagine the perfect Christmas day. Waking up early to see the delight on your child’s face as they see the newly arrived gifts under the tree. The laughter and happiness as cousins and siblings run around the house playing with their new toys and enjoying the festivities.
Parents often have feelings of sadness, disappointment, and loneliness during this time. It can be tempting to assume that your autistic child is missing out if they do not participate and enjoy the festivities.
It is also important to respect your child’s choices and limitations around this time. What other children enjoy can often be a nightmare for an autistic child. The assumption is, that if they miss out, they will be unhappy. This is often not the case. Do what is right for your family and not what society and family expect. Focus on celebrating in a way that will bring joy to your whole family.
And while the expectation is to please everyone, the reality it is just not possible. What we can do instead is try and be flexible and learn how to compromise.
Prepare and plan.
It is a busy time of year and routines (What routines?) are non-existent. Planning the day and the actual lead up to Christmas is important. Start talking to your autistic children about what they can expect during the Christmas festivities. Who they will be visiting and what will be happening. You could even do a simple social story with pictures of family members and pictures of some of the foods that will be on the table on the day.
Plan outfits beforehand. You do not want to be searching for the favourite t-shirt at 8 am on Christmas morning. In the whole scheme of things your child’s choice of clothing should not be a big deal.
Think about food options. Either bring your child’s favourite food or ask the host to make sure that it is available on the day. This is not the day to expect your child to try new things.
Keep talking about some of the sounds and smells your child may experience on the day. Be open and listen to any concerns. Nothing should be a surprise on the day.
Talk to family about your autistic child’s needs at Christmas.
Talk to the family members that you will be spending time with at Christmas. Let them know that is ok if your autistic child or children do not open their Christmas gifts with everyone else. Explain that there will be chicken nuggets on the table and to not make a big deal about it. Your family should be comfortable and relaxed without fear of being judged. Ask them to respect your child’s choices.
If they do not want to hug or kiss grandma or grandad that is totally fine. Talk about photographs. Let everyone know that your child may choose not to be included, and again that is totally fine.
Remember this is their day too. Your child deserves to be included and accepted.
Try not to Over plan Try not to over plan.
There is an expectation and desire to do it all. Choose and prioritise what is important. Accept that you may have to postpone that visit to see aunty Jane who lives an hour away until the new year. Be realistic with what can be achieved within the time frame of the holiday season.
It may mean that you leave before desert, or you arrive late on Christmas day. Over planning can be very stressful for an autistic child, and the sensory overwhelm can be too much by the end of the day. It may be wise to have an excuse ready should you find the day too overwhelming. Or maybe even have a backup plan if you need to leave early.
Gift buying for your autistic child at Christmas
You may also be tempted to buy the latest gadget or toy for your child, when in reality all they want is that soft toy they saw at the shops or that colourful pair of socks. We often have this preconceived idea that we need to give our kids what our own parents could not. We also feel a need to make sure that we keep things even among siblings.
But our autistic children are often not consumed by such things. They see things as comfort, or they may have a particular special interest or hobby.
In reality some children may be overwhelmed with many gifts. It may be hard to understand and the sensory overload can be all too consuming it is far better to listen to your child than be consumed with equity and fairness. In reality, your child may find joy in receiving gifts they really want regardless of price and size. Be sure to keep an eye out for our 2023 Ultimate Sensory guide, which will be released soon.
We just need to remember there is no rule book. Allow your family to set new traditions and be confident when telling family and friends about your family’s needs. It is not a competition. Instead, it is a time to accept, respect and rejoice in everyone’s uniqueness and personality.
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